Dr Who and Lamentations

Hello, dear reader.

I know in my last blog (less than 24 hours ago), I said that "Just Be" would probably the last time I would write. Yeah, well, just kidding!

Because we really have to talk about some important stuff: 

I was recently introduced to a British television series by one of my Israeli friends. It's called Dr Who, and it's just fantastic (for those of us who like sci-fi stuff anyway). Yes, I'm a Whovian, which is just about as nerdy and geeky as being a Trekkie. Actually it's really well done, and, though cheesy at times, is really relevant to life (besides aliens and stuff).

Anyway, the basic idea of the show is, the Doctor is an alien with a time machine. He's the last of his kind and travels the world changing the lives of people...dealing with suffering and sorrow, but also bringing hope and healing.

I guess it's just amazing to me that in the "not so deep" places of life, we still want depth. We still want truth and hope and healing. We still explore the rawest of human emotions-even in a British television series.

So, what does this have to do with Lamentations? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I mean, when was the last time you read the book of Lamentations, let alone had it completely rock your world? Yeah, me either...until recently, that is.

"Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him.

Let him bury his face in the dust-there may yet be hope.

Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever...

Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it?"

-Lamentations 3:21-33, 37 

We are not consumed because of his love. But this does not mean we will not be called to the fire. I think we are afraid of fire. I think we say, "God, send your fire!", but we don't realize what it means or we don't want to. Fire burns. It refines and purifies. It's not comfortable. But, oh, that we would come to a point where we could truly be his burning ones. For he is my portion. And it is good to wait quietly for him. There are times where I just need to bury my face in the dust, and, on my face, just wait in silence for him.

And even though, like Dr Who, I may be called to the life of an "alien", whether in the states or outside of, I want to run as hard as I can after him across space and time, through suffering and sorrow, healing and hope.

Just Be

Hello reader.

I suppose I have been a bit MIA since my last writing. And this may be my last blog while I'm across the pond. Once I hit the 2 week mark of my time left in Israel, I have definitely been trying to make the most of it. So, I have been trying to fill my days with people that I am closest to here...to do life, to just be.

I have also had several interesting experiences in the passed week. 

I attended a Friday evening service at an orthodox synagogue. It was extremely interesting. Men sit in the floor seating, while the women sit in the balcony. Women are also hidden by a veil of lace, which they can see through but the men cannot. The service consists of readings of prayers from the Siddur. Most of the prayers in the book are straight from scripture, and are sung. There are a few men which trade off in leading the prayers. There are certain prayers in which the people stand, and certain prayers in which they sit. And, of course, one would have a very different experience depending on gender. Honestly, I find it quite beautiful, and not just because of the singing. There is something quite powerful about praying scripture, and even more so hearing it chanted/sung in it's original language. I would definitely recommend going to anyone...whether you visit one in the states or Israel.

I had lunch with a family in Akko by the sea. Now this experience isn't totally out of the ordinary, but I must make note of it because of the family and because of the fish I ate. Yes. The fish. It was the very first time I have ever eaten a fish with the head attached. Not to mention this fish had teeth, so it seemed to be smiling (or snarling) at me. The little girls in the family had great fun working up the courage to touch the eyes and the teeth. And still even more fun when I proceeded to make the fish talk to them. About these girls, and the family they belong to, they're all wonderful. Yeshua has really used them to bring me out of myself...and to also not be so much afraid of being around young children.

Walks on the beach at night. Seemingly so insignificant, but one of the best things to do here in the company of those you care about. The sea during the day is spectacular, but there's nothing quite like it at night. The waves moving slowly up the beach as the tide comes in, the moon rising and lighting the depths, and the tiny lights of the boats as they move along the water. I've been able to have several deep conversations with people in this setting. It seems to help people open up.

If you'll recall one of my posts from way earlier in this trip about a young girl I talked to at a youth group meeting, I'm happy to say they she and I finally got to spend some one-on-one time. It was really good. Getting to talk about parts of our lives that we hadn't shared with each other, getting to talk about God and what he's doing in our hearts. More and more I'm convinced that there's is something starting, awakening in the youth and young adults of this country.

Now, with less than a week for me to be here, I turn my thoughts to returning to the states. 

I have so many people I'm ready to see. 

I have so many unanswered questions.

I have hopes and dreams.

I have a really long travel stretch ahead. 

I have people here that I have to leave for a time.

It's extremely hard to turn my thoughts in this direction. Please, hear me when I say, that I'm so incredibly excited to get to see family and friends.

To get to catch up with people face-to-face, and eat some of my mom's food and listen to my dad's jokes. 

To be able to, in the flesh, pick on my siblings, and spend time with my grandparents.

To be able to hug my some of my dearest friends. 

But, there is part of me that will stay here in Israel. There is a part of me that will be extremely restless in the states...even after the reverse culture shock wears off.

All this to say, to those of you in the states-I will see you soon. And to those of you in this tiny country on the Mediterranean-I will see you again.

Holiday Trivia

Hello dear reader?

How are you on this fine October day? Here it has become rather cloudy and rained a bit each day, though it is still quite hot and humid.

As promised, I'm writing to you about the holy days. Now, these explanations are rather vague and do no justice to the goings on. So, you'll have to forgive me, as I am still learning.

First there is Rosh Hashanna. It's the Jewish new year. Of course school is out, people are off work, and there is lots of food, friends, family and fun. One tradition during this time is eating apples with honey (I suppose you could compare it to the tradition of some in America of eating black-eyed peas at New Year's...but I like this tradition better.)

Following this, there are 10 days until Yom Kippur. These 10 days of awe, though "regular work days", are set aside to contemplate one's life.

And then there is Yom Kippur-the day of atonement. This is the day that Jews plead with God to forgive them for the sins of the passed year, that he might write down their name in the Book of Life. Interestingly enough, the entire country (the jewish part) stops for this day. No one drives-whether you're ultra orthodox or secular. Most people fast all day, not even drinking water. It is definitely a day unlike any other, set apart unto itself.

After Yom Kippur comes Sukkot-the feast of booths/tabernacles. Families make sukkah's outside (they're a covered, three wall structure) and decorate them with lights and hanging decorations (I was jokingly told that it's kind of like decorating a christmas tree.) Some people even sleep in their sukkahs (which is what you're supposed to do). This is a time of celebration. A time of family and friends. And it's a whole week (although three days in the middle are "regular work days").

Some of these traditions may seem strange and other worldly to non-jews. However, I'm coming to find they only make sense. Why not celebrate holidays God himself set aside? He knew/knows people need a new year, a fresh start. A day for reflection and repentance. And time to celebrate and give thanks. A time to be in awe of God.

Truth: Do you want fries with that?

Hello reader.

It's hard to believer the month of September is almost at an end. It seems as though it stumbled in the front door, tripped through the house, and is about to fall comically out the back door.

Here in Israel, the time has already changed, so the morning sun creeps in rather early, and leaves all too soon in the evening. That, and we are in the middle of the High Holy Days. Last week was Rosh Hashanna (new year), Yom Kippur (day of atonement) is this week (sundown the 25 to sundown the following day), and Sukkot (feast of tabernacles) is following close behind. (I think I will take time later this week to talk more of the holidays.)

This morning as I was raking leaves (which I find to be quite satisfying), I was thinking about this blog, and what I wanted to write about. I haven't written in a while, so I thought maybe I should write something about Israel and the holidays and whatnot. However, I have decided to take a different approach and write on something completely different, though not at all irrelevant. 

I was talking to a believer who started asking all these hard questions. For instance, why does God let this happen? Why didn't he just stop with creating the animals when he knew we were going to mess up royally? Why? Now don't balk or start judging. We've all been there if we are really honest and vulnerable. We've all wondered if God is "soooo good" then why does he let us go through whatever or allow whatever to happen. Why am I going through this when I'm trying so hard to follow hard after you? Even the strongest of believers (like this believer I was talking to) have times where their inward being groans with the weight of a fallen world. It's not that they'd ever give up on their faith...because they know-they've tasted and seen. They just need someone to come camp out on the battlefield beside them, and listen. Someone to offer a cool drink for their parched throat, and balm for their wounds. 

So, here were all these questions being pointed at me...begging for an answer. So what did I do? I let her question and would reply the only way I know how-"I don't know." Now, don't sit there so shocked. I know you were expecting me to answer her with some profound truth or pull out some fantastic bible verse. But the truth is, I don't have all of the answers. Believers don't have all the answers. There. I said it. The secret is out guys.

It's like believers are the workers at a restaurant. You've got people (believers or not) coming in wanting food. And instead of giving them real truth, we sugar coat it or give some warmed over cliche.

"Hi. Welcome to Tasty Truths. How can I help you?"

"Um...well I'm feeling a bit down. My life is just a mess and I'm not sure what to do. Maybe you have something that can pick me up?"

"Why yes. I can get you the TheresAReasonForEverything Special. It comes with the FizzyWarmFuzzy drink."

"That sounds amazing."

"Yes. And would you like fries with that? They come with our special DontWorryBeHappy sauce."

Come on people. Really? I don't want that. And I don't want to be like that. Not really, if I'm honest. I don't want to believe something just because it's a "truth" I've been told my whole life. Some nice little saying that I've heard passed around since I was young. I don't want to be offering twice baked cliches that will only make the sickness worse. That's not what it's about. I'm tired of living that way. I want to offer living water-I want to love well. I want to serve with a cheerful heart. Even if, sometimes, it means I swallow my pride and say, "You know, I don't know." I think it should go more like this:

"Hey. You alright?"

"No. I'm feeling..."

"Go on, you can tell me."

"I'm just feeling a little lonely today is all; the kind of lonely where you feel it even if you're in a crowded room. I don't know why."

"I'm sorry you feel lonely. I'll just sit with you a while and hold your hand. And if you'd like I'll cry with you and cry out to God with you about your hurt."

That's what I'm finding here where I am. In the midst of the day-to-day messiness of humanity. It's funny, people are people, no matter the culture or language. I can't fix it all. I can't answer all the questions. I can't lay out some magic formula for happiness.

But I can be real. Utterly real and human. And, sometimes, that's the best approach. So, that's where I'll be, not serving fries warmed by the lamplight of apathy, but on the battlefield squatting by a fellow traveler and warrior offering a hand to hold or an ear to listen.

Bus 12

Hello friends. I hope this blog post finds you well. Yes, by now we are into September. Schools have started, life has returned to a steady routine, and, hopefully, the weather will begin to cool with the passing of the days.

How are things on you're side of the pond? Glad you asked. Today has been "one of those days". No, I don't mean the kind where you're so busy and frustrated you just want to pull out your hair (or the person's hair next to you). I'm talking one of those days where a person can feel absolutely and extremely useless. I'm not saying that I'm one of those people that has to constantly be doing something; I rather enjoy a quiet afternoon with a book every once in a while. However, when I gear myself up for a day of productivity and the day doesn't follow like I'd envisioned...well, that's annoying.

You see, at the Kehila, we are gearing up for the holidays, which are fast approaching. With the holidays comes the need for humanitarian aid. So I spent yesterday helping to get bags of food ready for distribution. We got alot done yesterday. I returned to help today...only the work didn't take as long as it did yesterday. And then I sat for an hour and a half waiting to see if there was anything else I could do (I should be doing something-painting more trellises, stacking more boxes/bags, cleaning, sweating, nicking myself with a box cutter here, bruising my leg on a pallet there...you get the picture). Finally, I gave up and decided to take the bus back to my host home.

Ear buds blaring Matisyahu in my ears, marching-left right left right-down to the bus stop and waiting for the bus...and waiting and waiting. Seriously, I could be doing something and not sitting waiting for the bus...in the heat...with this old lady who thinks that she should take my seat so now I'm standing and waiting for the bus...in the heat. And then-Should you be doing something? Or should you be doing something? Oh. I recalled a few weeks ago when a friend of mine suggested (half kidding, half serious) that I should just take random buses and pray over the country, the city, the people. Okay. Okay. We'll start with bus 12. It's not random; it's the bus I have to take to get back to where I'm staying so I can't get too lost.

So, now I'm sitting on bus 12, watching people go in and out, watching students get on heading home from school. Sitting on bus 12, on an isle seat with no one next to me until a lady comes and asks me to scoot over even though there are other empty seats on the bus all by their lonesome. Sitting on bus 12, rolling passed shops and bus stops and the sea, wondering if I have missed my stop because I have no idea where I am. Sitting on bus 12, praying I haven't missed my stop because that would be awful. Sitting on bus 12, realizing my friend had told me bus 12 would take me home, and realizing I trust her so therefore I shouldn't freak. Sitting on bus 12, recognizing where I am and thanking the Lord for giving me peace, a good friend, and not letting me flip out. Sitting on bus 12, remembering what I've blogged in the past about needing to feel validated, when Yeshua just wants me to love people. Sitting on bus 12, people watching and praying (even praying for the lady next to me who is crowding me practically wanting me to notice to pray for her). Getting off bus 12 a stop early, just so I can walk and pray, pray and walk.

What does tomorrow hold? Of that I am not quite certain. But I do know that Yeshua is full of surprises. And maybe, just maybe, I'll have another date with him sometime soon on bus 12.

"The gates of hell will tremble when love becomes the anthem that we sing. Sickness will be silenced when this all-consuming power fills our streets, my love, so come quickly. When love comes to a nation, justice will bow. When love comes to a nation, all dividing walls will come crashing down. When hope shines in a nation, darkness will flee. When hope shines on a nation, every prisoner will be released. I am the sound, I have the voice. I am the movement, open the door. I am the sound, I have the voice. I am the movement, unlock my roar. I am Yeshua to this city. I am Yeshua to this nation, Yeshua to the world."-Unlock My Roar, Daniel Bashta

The Happenings of Late

Hello, dear reader. How are you, and what have you been up to these days?

So, if you're wondering what I've been up to, never fear, I'm here to fill you in. I finished working the Toilet Paper Brigade (if you'll recall: cut, bag, stack) and graduated to painting trellises. I finished that project yesterday, so I'm currently waiting for my fearless leader (aka Batman) to return from his hofesh (vacation).

While I'm waiting, I have been busy. One couple from the congregation, lives on a moshav (Israeli ranch) in the Galilee area. They have set aside some land to use as a retreat place for different believing groups. I went up to help with one of the camps for a few days last week. It is quite incredible. The groups are usually small, but this allows for more team building type activities. And also, they learn to cook certain foods over the fire. All of this, while learning about Yeshua's love for them. Of course, the owners are hoping that this is only the beginning of something more huge. I have no doubt that it is. When you choose to dream with Yeshua...nothing is impossible.

Also, I have been helping a lady from the congregation with her four children (that's right, more working with children. The irony continues.) The family is also getting ready to move, so life is more hectic than usual.

I have been thinking much lately about the call on our lives as believers to love. We are supposed to love the unloveable. We are supposed to love people where they are. Why is that so hard? I think we have in our minds a picture of how everything "should be". That just isn't the case; that's not the world we live in. Sometimes we meet people we don't agree with. They leave a bad taste in our mouth, and we want nothing else to do with them. Yet, we are called to love them.

My prayer while I'm here is that Yeshua would teach me how to love people well-the people I see everyday, the people I'm closest with, and the people I may only meet once or twice. I'm learning, that just because other people don't live/walk/move in a culture of honor, doesn't mean that I can't.

I realize this blog hasn't been as revealing as past blogs have been. Understand, that I'm pondering a few things in my heart, and it's going to take time to sift through them all, much less write them out. But, don't worry, you will be let in on the goings and comings of this heart.

If you are wondering what you can pray about, here are a few things:

-I can always use prayer for courage and grace. I can always use prayer against fear.

-Prayer for vision in the coming days.

-Pray that God would begin, even now, to work in the hearts of his people as the holidays are fast approaching (more on this later). Pray that he would already begin a work in the hearts and minds of the people.

-Pray for the family that I'm helping with their move, that everything would run smoothly as the children transition to new schools. Also, for energy for the parents (moving, 4 kids, you get the picture).

-Pray for the family that lives on the moshav, and that they would continue to dream and walk in time with the heartbeat of Abba. That he would continue to prove himself faithful as they strive to walk out their dream.

-Pray for all of those that serve in the Israeli Defense Forces.

-Pray for the peace and stability of the Middle East.

-Most of all, pray that Love would find it's way into the hearts of the people of God. That the veil would be open and that the heavens would come down.

Grace and peace to you friends.

More soon.

Sarah

"What does it sound like when we sing heaven's song? And what does it feel like when heaven comes down? What does it look like when God is all around? Let it come."

What It's About

I realize I'm writing twice in one day, but I felt like what I'm about to tell you deserved it's own space set aside.

Last week my dear friend suggested we attend the youth meeting that happens once a week. She has a passion for youth, and so do I. I long to see believers walking in the fullness of what we have been called to. Don't get me wrong, evangelism is great. But my heart, my deep burning passion, is the discipleship of youth. I was excited to go. Even more excited because the youth group from this area was going up the mountain (Mt. Carmel) to join with another youth group. There may have been a hint of nervousness since I'm still floundering at the language, but my gusto outweighed that by far.

Now, I've been to Israel a few times and have managed to meet some of the youth and talk to them. I will admit that it has been frustrating to know if I have had any impact. This is my heart we are talking about. Since the last time I was here, I had been praying for one girl in particular. I don't know why, I just couldn't shake her from my mind. I would ask my friend, periodically, to ask this girl how she was doing and to tell her that I was praying for her. I had no idea if she even remembered who I was, or if she was even receptive in finding out I had been praying for her. And then...

She was there at the youth group. I was met with such warmth. I was actually stunned, and thought it was just out of excitement of seeing someone who had once been here. But, in the quiet of worship, she approached me. I was sitting on the floor, my back against a column enjoying his presence...and maybe wrestling. Then there she was, kneeling on the floor next to me, asking if she could pray for me. What's more amazing, is she basically prayed about everything I had written in my journal the morning before...everything I had been wrestling with, everything I had been praising God for, and here she is breathing life and truth into it.

After the prayer, she began to tell me that she'd just come through a rough season. She said that somehow she knew, she could feel that someone had been praying for her. And then my friend began to relay my messages to her. She said it was so good to know that she wasn't alone during this last season. That there was someone warring for her. She said something like, "God fills me up. I am always hungry and always thirsty for him, but he always makes me full. I'm full and I still want more of Him."

We sat together a long time, hands intertwined listening to the worship music and talking ever so often about how good Yeshua is. And we left that night with a promise to get together while I'm here.

This is what it's about.

Box Cutters & Toilet Paper

Shalom, dear reader. How does the day find you?

Beginning yesterday, I started doing some work for one of the messianic congregations here-Ohalei Rachamim (Tents of Mercy http://www.tents-of-mercy.org/) They do humanitarian aid and also pro-life counseling. It was last week that I offered my services to Sasha (who I am thoroughly convinced is Batman). I'm not really sure what Sasha's title is, but you name it he can probably do it. I've seen him doing maintenance, while talking on the phone switching between speaking Hebrew, Russian, and English.

Sunday morning, I presented myself to Sasha. With a smile, he said he had a special job for me. Oh my! He lead me over to a pallet of toilet paper and handed me a box cutter. My job is to cut the plastic in half (32 rolls in each, so each half has 16), bag them, and stack them on another pallet. You went to Israel to cut toilet paper in half? No. I came to Israel to love the people. If that means that I spend the day cutting, sacking, and stacking toilet paper, bring on Your Kingdom! Let's do this! So, yesterday morning that's what I did. Cut, cut, cut. Bag. Stack.

Breaking for lunch, I ate with some of the people who work at the Kehila (congregation). The entire conversation, the majority anyway, was in Russian. And let me tell you, I enjoyed every minute of it. I don't understand Russian, however I can't seem to get over how much body language and voice inflection are the same on a human level. I'm also proud to say, I've picked up 4 Russian words so far.

After lunch, I helped to make some emergency boxes (which actually contained some of the toilet paper I had worked on).

Today, it was basically the same as yesterday-cut, cut cut. Bag. Stack. Now, I know you're wondering what I'm getting out of this. Nothing. I don't even get to have a farmer's tan to show for it because I'm working in a warehouse-sweat, dirt, and more sweat. Actually, what I'm getting from it is bonding opportunities with people. And, more than that, I'm getting to walk in obedience. I'm getting the opportunity to walk in my destiny...and it has only just begun.

Just a Taste

Hello there, dear reader. I know it has been a while since I've last written, but I've been busy since the minute I landed in Israel.

This last week I spent helping with a children's camp for all the congregations in this network. The camp was wonderful, and the kids seemed to grasp the theme for the week: planting seeds, growing, producing fruit. However, I have no "awesome camp stories for you". I can't tell you if any of the kids made a decision or had some sort of an "ah-ha" moment in their lives. Why is this? Because my job at the camp was completely under the radar. I was the camp nanny. Basically there had been a few minor problems when it came to gathering camp counselors/leaders for this year. Many of the families in this community stepped up to take on leadership positions. Naturally, then, they had some kids who just weren't old enough to be in the camp, but who had to be there anyway. So, I spent most of my week chasing around a 4 year old and a six year old-playing in the water, taking them to the pool, getting them ready for bed, and playing a game called "spiders", meaning I tickle them as much as possible. Sometimes I think I have to have an actual title or position in order to validate who I am and what I am doing. I forget that Yeshua doesn't call me to validation. He calls me to be a servant, to be obedient. For the least of these. That was the vision he gave me when I groaned (ever so slightly) about having to be a nanny, and not getting to be as "involved" as I felt I should be. And yet, when I saw those little kids again after the camp they were so excited to see me. And when I tried to leave the building, they wouldn't let go. 

So now what are you doing? I suppose this question comes from a good place when someone asks. But, honestly, I'm to the point where I want to kick them in the shin. Honestly, right now is pretty much day-to-day living. I may or may not know what the next day holds. It's kind of like the validation issue I spoke of earlier...because I should have to put a label on this, right? If I can't give it a name or a title or a brief synopsis, it's not right? Wrong. 

I am called to love people. I am called to build relationships. I am called to observe and take in the parts of people no one notices. Whether it's volunteering in a congregation putting up camp stuff or helping with the daily household stuff where I'm staying, I am called to just be whatever they need.

When I was in my college lifegroup, we'd play a game called highs and lows. It's not really a "game", it's an opportunity to talk about your day-the high point, the low point-a time to be vulnerable so as to receive encouragement. So, let's play.

High: Yesterday I took a bus...by myself! Now, to some of you, that may not sound like such a big deal, but to a girl who grew up in a place where there was no public transportation this is a very terrifying experience. But, I did it! And I felt like superwoman!

Low: I just feel inadequate. How in the world am I supposed to meet these people where they are? And, am I "doing the right thing", even though I can't put a label on it? Validation. Fear. That's what it comes down to.

Please continue to pray for victories, even in the small areas like public transportation. They are extremely encouraging, and pave the way for even bigger victories.

Pray against fear and inadequacy, because he knew what he was getting into when he called me. He knew it, and he called me out of the boat to walk on the water anyway. Pray against the need to validate, because his grace really is sufficient.

That's all for now. It's only just a taste of what is to come. And, hopefully, what is to come will include pictures very soon:)

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from it's farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.'"

Wheels Up

It's happening. In less than 24 hours, I will be returning to my beloved little country by the Mediterranean sea. In a little over 48 hours, I will see the faces of the people I have come to love so dearly.
Of course, I'm leaving people that I love too. Tomorrow, I will get on a plane and leave people that I love behind. It's not that I don't love them. And it's not that I love Israel any more than I love them. It's just that I love Yeshua way more than I love anything. Whether he calls me to live in America for a while, or Israel, or even Africa (even though if you've read this whole blog you know I specifically asked not to go to Africa) I will go. 
To my friends and family that I'm leaving behind for a time, I love you all. I am thankful for parents who "trained up a child in the way [she] should go". I am thankful for their blessing on all this craziness. I'm thankful for siblings who call at all hours of the night just to talk, and who just HAVE to get all of their "picking on you" done before I go. I'm thankful to my friends, the women I do life with. You spur me on. You challenge me. You love me well. And, I'm thankful for you, dear reader. No matter the reason you read this, thanks for investing time in reading.


Many people ask me questions when they find out I'm returning. How long will you be there? Well, the plan is three months. What will you be doing for that long of a time? I've struggled with how to answer this question, as there are things that are planned out and things that are not. And then, I realized the answer is more simple than I have been making it: I'm going to love people. Yeshua has called me to love people. I don't always know what that looks like or how it will play out, but that is the very essence of the call. And the final question, the one I get ALL the time, Are you afraid? I'm not...at least most of the time. You need to know, that if I tell someone I'm not afraid I'm not. But you also need to know that I'm human, that I struggle with fear.
I've come to find that fear is fear...no matter what form it takes. Most of the time, my only fear of this journey is the bus system. Public transportation scares me...terrifies me. Of course, it's a small fear, but it is just that...fear. And fear only makes way for more fear, because every once in a while, the bigger fears creep in and force me into an almost state of panic. Am I really doing this?! I must be crazy?! Are You sure this is what you really want me to do?!
Yes, from time to time, fear does raise it's ugly head. From time to time, it tries to drag me into it's darkness where only more fear waits. However, I am learning not to walk in fear. It is hard, because it is making a conscious effort so say, "Today, I choose to walk in the light. I say no to fear. The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom (or what), shall I fear?". It is a constant state of taking every thought captive, of running the race...even if sometimes I'm crawling this leg. So, if you catch me on a day when I am struggling with fear, don't think "Well, maybe it just isn't what you're supposed to do..." That would be a lie. I KNOW what I've been called to. I KNOW that the Lord is always faithful, always good. And the enemy has nothing on that at all.
So, dear reader, if you think of me, pray for me. Pray against fear. Pray for Holy Spirit to be in everything. I need the presence of him to function daily. Pray that I would have a chance to build new relationships, as well as continue to build on the ones I've already begun. Pray for strength and vision, because walking on water isn't easy, but if he is my strength and vision...nothing is impossible. He said those who hope in him would soar on wings like eagles.
Wheels up.


"If you say go, we will go. If you say wait, we will wait. If you say, step out on the water, and they say it can't be done, we'll fix our eyes on you and we will come. For your ways, are higher than our ways, and the plans that you have laid are good and true. If you call us to the fire, you will not withdraw your hand, we will gaze into the flames and look for you."-If You Say Go, Vineyard

To Read or Not To Read

What are you doing with yourself this summer, dear reader? Do you work all the time? Are you taking vacations with your friends and family? Do you catch up on your reading or on the latest podcast sermon? If it's the latter, I think I can help you out, cause if you read like I do, chances are you'll find yourself staring at your collection of books (whether it's on your Kindle/Nook or on a bookshelf) wondering what to read next.

Here's how this is gonna work-I'll divide the books into categories and give some info on them, as well as my opinion as to why it's a must read.

Non-fiction

1) Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. I read this book about 2 weeks ago, and it is still fresh on my mind. I read it in one day. It's about a normal American girl who feels a call to missions in Uganda. It talks about her journey to where she is now. And if you like this book, she even has a blog that she writes on every once in a while.

2) Five Chimneys: a woman survivor's story of Auschwitz by Olga Lengyel. I like to read stories from the Holocaust. This is not because I'm sadistic, or that I enjoy reading grueling material. I have a love for history (specifically WW2 and the American Civil War eras). This book is about a woman who survives the terrible odds at Auschwitz. The writing is not all grammatically correct, but the story is raw and powerful. The writer does not bother to sugar coat the happenings within the camp. I even learned some things that I never knew, and I've read quite a few biographies on this subject. This is why I recommend it. In a world where some deny that the Holocaust ever happened, I believe it is important to keep the legacy of those who endured it alive. We will only learn from our history if we acknowledged it happened.

3) Surprised by the Power of the Spirit by Jack Deere. Do you want to challenge your faith and grow immensely, even during these summer months? I would absolutely read this book. I was introduced to it at the church I attended while I was in college. I know, some of you will research this book and say, "Really? You really want me to read this?!" Yes, I do. I was a skeptic too. But the cool thing is, you can read your Bible along with it. The cool thing is, Holy Spirit can and will speak if you only let Him.

4) The Slumber of Christianity by Ted Dekker. In this book, Dekker explores the slumber that most believers are in. He uses personal stories and well as examples from his writing to really draw the reader in.

5) Tea with Hezbola by Ted Dekker. Get ready for meetings with Jews and Arabs alike. Get ready for some very real, very raw conversations and opinions. 

6) Your People Shall Be My People  by Don Finto. Does God still love Israel? Should I care about Israel, and if so, why? These questions and many more are answered in this book. Finto is very direct, using Biblical facts as well as historical facts to speak about God's heart for his beloved people.

Fiction

1) Blessed Child by Ted Dekker. If you haven't already noticed, I'm a Ted Dekker fan. This is probably my favorite book by him. It's about a young boy who grows up in a monastery knowing no evil at all. This book has a breathtaking outlook on life and love. It challenges believers to walk in the Spirit.

2) Demon: a memoir by Tosca Lee. This book is about an editor/writer who is approached by a demon who wants his story told. I know what you're thinking, "Lame. Just lame." Trust me, you don't wanna miss this. The demon tells the story from the very beginning, even before. It also does not hide it's feelings towards man. Trust me, it has an ending you'll not even guess.

3) The Veritas Conflict by Shaunti Feldhaun. This is the story of a young girl who goes off to college. It talks about the fight for the hearts and minds of her and her fellow students. Yes, it's a regular good/evil, life/death, light/dark battle. It's wonderful.

4) The Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker. If you know who Ted Dekker is, you know he doesn't mess around when it comes to writing his books. Sadly, some people tend to see his writing as "too dark". However, if you read his non-fiction book (listed above), you will find why he doesn't sugar coat darkness in his books. This series gave me a new lease on my salvation. It's interesting to hear the story told through another time and space. Not too mention, it's jam-packed full of action and twists you'll never see coming.

5) The Chronicles of Narnia. This is almost a "duh". Let me just say that I read these before the movies and before the hype. Let me also say, they are still relevant to me being a young adult. I can't reread them without finding something new.

6) The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit. All good. All action packed and full of adventure.

More to Do

Now, I'm not completely blinded by my love for books. I realize that there are people who don't like to read. Even those of us who do still like to do something different once in a while. So, here are some other things you should definitely check out:

1) The Glory Within. This is a youtube mini-sermon by Corey Russell. Again, be prepared to be challenged. And, if this stuff is weird to you upon watching, I suggest you read the book I suggested in the non-fiction section-Surprised by the Power of the Spirit.

2) Any sermon podcasts by Matt Chandler (Pastor of the Village Church) or David McQueen (Pastor of Beltway Park Baptist Church). These podcasts are free on iTunes:)

3) International House of Prayer. This is out of Kansas. They have a website where you can find sermons, podcasts, music and live feed to a 24-hour prayer room. It's legit. Get you some.

I realize this blog hasn't been very heart revealing...or has it? These books and the other things are pretty near and dear to my heart. Holy Spirit has definitely used each one in it's own way to help shape who I am today. I hope you take the time to read at least one or two of these. And I hope that if you find you don't like one, that it won't cause you to be turned off in trying the others. Blessings on your reading and seeking:)

“We Christian writers (musicians, lovers of Truth, etc.)* must paint evil with the blackest of brushes, not to sow fear, but to call out the monsters to be scattered by our light. If Satan cloaks himself as an angel of white, intent on deceiving the world, any attempt on our parts to minimize evil is only complicit with his strategy... Turn to the light; don’t fear the shadows it creates.” -Ted Dekker

*words in parenthesis added by me

Simon-Peter & Foosball Part 2

As if my previous blog post isn't enough of a spirit lifter, there is another story to go along with what happened this week. This one, for me, hits a little closer to home.
In my group, there was a young boy named Aaron (yes, the one that was obsessed with foosball). If you'll recall, in the blog post before, I'd mentioned that I asked the boys all kinds of fun questions to try and get them to open up. One question that stuck was "if you could have one super power, what would it be and why?' One boy said he wanted to breathe under water, one said he wanted super human strength-you get the idea. But Aaron...Aaron said he wanted superhuman speed...because he was always slower than other kids...slower and smaller and, perhaps, even picked on a bit. It broke my heart. In this one answer to one silly question, this young boy had just laid bare a piece of his heart. Jesus, how do I handle this? How do I show him that he is so much more than a small, insignificant little boy?


Of course, if you read the before blog, you know that I planned a lesson around foosball-which the boys loved. You also know that I gave them each a foosball at the end, and that each ball had their name, the meaning of their name, and a verse on it. 
What you don't know is the significance of the names. We had been studying about Simon-Peter. One of the lessons was that Simon was given the name Peter by Jesus. A name change in the Bible is significant, especially when it comes from God. I believe that it is Him calling to our inner being as part of the process of being made into what He would have us to be.
What you don't know it that Jesus was already telling these boys what He thinks about them through the names they were given when they were born. And, perhaps, the most significant of these was Aaron's name. His name, as best as I could find, translates from Hebrew to mean "strength of the mountain". The boy who thinks he is slower and smaller has a name that is bigger and stronger. Jesus has been speaking strength and power over him since his birth...with just a name. When I told him the meaning of his name, he seemed shocked. I'm not sure if he really understands the great significance of this, but he will one day.


How many times have I been in a situation where I feel that I am insignificant or unworthy or useless? Sometimes, it's only looking as far as my name to realize that I am a daughter. That I am valued. He sees me. Sometimes, it's asking the Lord what He calls me. He calls me by my given name much of the time, but every once in a while He will give me a name with a meaning that connects to that place in me that is feeling less than. He calls to my inner being, and strengthens me.


"Forgiven, Beloved, Hidden in Christ, Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and Holy, Reborn and Remade, Accepted and Worthy-this is our new name. This is who we are now."-I Am New, Jason Gray

Simon-Peter & Foosball Part 1

Life is like a foosball game.
Let me back up a moment. This passed week has been long and tiring. Working all day and then helping with VBS (which is like a sort of "camp" for children at church) in the evenings. I have to admit, at first when I was asked to lead a small group, I didn't want to. I suppose I agreed more for my mom than for anyone. However, as the days drew closer to Monday morning, I couldn't help but find myself excited about getting to share Jesus with 5th graders (for that was the grade I'd been assigned). What's more, I got to be a small group leader, which means I got a small group of 5th graders and get 4 days to build relationships, play, and share Jesus' love. I figured it would be awesome!
It wasn't. Or at least it didn't start out that way. Somehow, I ended up with all boys. Given, there were only 4 of them, but there's just something about certain mixes of kids. They weren't horrible. It was just that the activities were really to young for them...in a world where they have fancy things like iPods and iPhones, xbox and playstation, this just was not working. I tried everything. From funny questions to rowdy games. The funny questions were seen as "lame" and the rowdy games only made them that much more rowdy. And then...
His name is Aaron. And the entire time every day all he could talk about was the foosball table that is out in the large group room. I don't think he'd ever seen the game before. He was hooked from day 1. I knew that, somehow, I had to work this game into our lessons. Had to. But what does a foosball game have to do with the calling and discipleship of Peter? Nothing...and everything apparently.


The last day, I got permission to have the lesson at the foosball table. I told the boys that life was like a game of foosball, and stuck a label that said "LIFE" on the edge of the table. We, like the players in the little game, had no choice whether we participated in this game or not. In foosball there are two teams. I let them pick our team color and then had them put labels on the backs of the little men in the game. The labels had our names on them. I told them that the opposing forces also had names. I handed them labels-"Fear", "Anger", and "Hate"-to label our opposers with. Next, I told them that these little men could not move or act without influence. Humans are the same, we don't move or act without influence. We sometimes just don't want to acknowledge what our influence is. I told the boys to take up their positions at the game. For the side that was to influence the players of our team, I stuck labels on the boy's shirts that said "HOLY SPIRIT". For the opposing team, I stuck labels on the boy's shirts that said "The enemy" and "the darkness". We are all influenced by either good or bad, the light or the dark, God or the enemy. I then withdrew the foosball from my pocket. On it, I had written the fruits of the Spirit. I told the boys that we, as believers, are to sow the fruits of the Spirit wherever we go. We only know how to do that by reading the Word.
"What about that one?", one boy asked pointing to a broken player. I smiled. Jesus was kind enough to give me vision even for the broken one. I had actually been praying that somehow, the broken guy didn't get fixed. You see, the screw that held him to the rod came out, so he was just spinning around the rod...really no help to the game at all. I told the boys that choosing not to choose a side is still choosing a side. Choosing not to act is still acting, and still affected the game at some points-like when the little man would randomly swing down and knock the ball in a direction it wasn't intended to go.
"So, what's the goal? What does the goal represent?", the same boy asked. The goal is what Jesus told us. He told us to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. He told us to love our neighbor as ourself. He told us to love our enemies, to pray for them. He told us to make disciples. That is the goal.
"And now we play?", they asked eagerly. Haha. Yes. Of course. But with a twist. Every time the good guys make a goal you have to shout, "WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF LIGHT!" And every time the opposing force makes a goal you shout, "BACK OFF SATAN"...because sometimes the enemy scores one. Sometimes we are like Peter, and we deny and run. But that isn't the end. Because He gives us the opportunity to tell Him that we love Him. He gives us opportunities, still, to partner with Him and feed His sheep. And we can still have victory. We HAVE victory.
After a few games, I stopped the boys and gave them each a foosball of their own. Each ball had their name on it, the meaning of their name, and a specific verse for each of them.
We then had to move on to our next activity. I left our lesson knowing the boys had fun and trusting that the Lord had implanted what he needed to in each of them. During the craft, the kids were making place mats for inmates. The boys came up to me telling me all sorts of different things about what they had done and drawn. One boy said that Aaron had used our foosball lesson on a mat. And Aaron smiled and said, "Life is like a foosball game."
They got it. I know they did. I may not ever get to see what the seeds that Jesus planted during that time will grow into, much less what fruit they will bear. But I went to bed last night with the voices of 5th grade boys ringing in my ears, "WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF LIGHT!"


Yes, life is like a foosball game. And we are the Children of Light.

You are Always

Sometimes...
Sometimes I'm like Abraham. I have the faith to move and believe when others do not. But sometimes, I am like Sarah. I laugh at the mere thought that God is birthing something new and good; it just takes Him a little longer than I'd like to accomplish it.
Sometimes...
Sometimes I'm like Joshua. I have seen the Promised Land. I have see the abundance that awaits me there. I have seen the giants and great strongholds of the enemy that lie within, but I will trust and believe. "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." But sometimes, I'm like Gideon. God, I'm the smallest and weakest of my tribe. God, I cannot fight-I've no training in the ways of war. And then, when I finally agree to step out, I set out a fleece for him...several times. God are you sure? God did I hear you correctly? If you could just speak once more...
Sometimes...
Sometimes I am like the prophet Jeremiah. I weep for those who have not seen and heard. I long for them to know the Truth that has set me free. I weep for the destruction that will come if they do not turn their eyes towards Elohim. But sometimes, I am like Jonah. I'm a snot and I run away. They don't deserve it. And, God, I think you should just squash them like a bug.
Sometimes...
Sometimes I am like Mary. I sit at his feet in wide-eyed wonder as he tells me mysteries, and whispers tenderly to me. But sometimes, I am like Martha. I want it done in this order, at this time at this place. I'm working and Mary is sitting. Go figure.
Sometimes...
Sometimes I am John the disciple. I follow Him whereever he would go, even to the foot of the cross. But sometimes, I am Peter and Thomas rolled into one. I deny, not once or twice, but three times. I doubt, and just cannot believe it unless I see it right here in front of my face.
Sometimes...
Sometimes I'm an Ear that wants to be an Eye. I'm sick of listening, and I'd rather play I-Spy.
But You...
You take my Sarah, and make me a spiritual mother to many. You teach me to disciple and nurture.
You take my Gideon, and make me a warrior. You teach me wisdom far beyond that I've ever known.
You take my Jonah, and give me a second chance. You bring me up out of the fishes belly, to land.
You take my Martha, and say that work and order is good. You teach me to be awed by You.
You take my Peter and my Thomas, and give me a chance, not once or twice, but three times, to say, "I love you". You take my hands in Yours and let me feel the reality of You.
You are faithful. You are kind. You are good.
You are true. You are trustworthy.
You are always.

Desert Flower

It's been a while since I've written, dear reader. It's not that I haven't tried, as there are times I write a whole paragraph...and then proceeded to delete it and log out. So, now I am resolved to write at least once a week-no matter what. 

It's amazing to me how the season I'm sitting in can have such an effect on what comes out of me, or what doesn't come out of me. I'm talking seasons of the soul. Sometimes the seasons are exciting, full of adventure and challenges. Sometimes they're full of hurt and sorrow. Sometimes full of rain and growth. And sometimes, they are incredibly dry.

That's where I find myself now: stuck in the middle of a desert season. It takes everything in me to write, to praise, to press in. It's so tiring. I find myself pleading with the Lord to "lead me up out of the wilderness already!"And then he leads me to passages like Hosea 2. He talks about alluring "her" to the desert to "speak tenderly to her", to woo her. Umm...I'm inclined to disagree with this idea. Do you not realize how stinking hot the desert is?! I'm smelly, sweaty, sticky, cranky, thirsty and you want to "speak tenderly" to me?! Are you joking?! No. Apparently not. Okay then, so what am I doing here?!

Have you noticed the beauty of the desert flower?, he says. Seriously, Lord? You want to talk about flowers? I'm in the desert so thirsty and tired, and You want to talk about flowers? And then it hits me. That realization, that understanding that comes only through Holy Spirit. A desert flower is beautiful. It's resilient. It lives through conditions that would cause most plants to wither and die. So, he wants me to be a desert flower...not a flower that is just "pretty" but a flower that can withstand intense heat-stand under fire, so to speak. Ok. Great. Make me a desert flower. Easier said than done. Because I long for this season to be over. Remember, it's hot, dry, and uncomfortable. And I'm still feeling smelly, cranky, sticky,  and thirsty. 

What was that, Lord? Something about rain? Watering the desert flower? Seriously, I'm in the desert and you want to talk about flowers and rain? And then he leads me to Isaiah 43. Streams in the desert. Water in the wasteland. Right...I can get the whole becoming a resilient desert flower thing, but rain in the desert Lord? Come on. "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"

What season are you in friend? Are you in the same place I am wondering why He's brought you to a certain place? Are you staring at that last question, like I keep doing, and saying, "No. No I don't perceive it!" All I can tell you, is to keep pressing in. Keep seeking His face. Seasons are just that-seasons. They don't last forever. I have to remind myself of this daily. I also have to remind myself that His word is good and true. That I can take Yeshua at His word. He spent 40 days in the desert, literally and figuratively. He knows what He's called me to walk in. He knows what He's called you to walk in. 

"I know the end of the story: I come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved."-Strong Love, Jon Thurlow

Lay It Down

I travel through the mist

And o'er the mountains high

My baggage getting heavy 

My soul, it heaves a sigh

You say that I should leave it

Just place it at Your feet

That Your burden is light

And Your timing is sweet

So I'll lay down my pride

The stone with the jagged side

And I'll lay down my shame

Thorns in my shoe I hide

Loves that have been lost,

Bitterness, fear, and hate

My load is getting lighter

And I'm starting to feel great

But when I think I'm done

When I've given great and small

You point towards the things

I treasure most of all

You say you want the good

Along with all the bad

But I don't understand

This is all I have

I stand on the threshold

Of myself and You

If this clay You must mold

You say I'll have to choose

So I'll choose to trust

I'll lay aside myself

And bring out my greatest treasures

That I keep upon my shelf

My rings, my roses, 

My ribbons, my gems

They are my dreams, my desires

From which my very being stems

I know if I give them

They many not return the same

And I may be asked to leave some

For forever or just a day

But here I choose to trust

That no matter what the cost

You'll hand me something greater

Than that which I feel I've lost

Like said before, friends, I'm not a writer. Though I do, from time to time, write poetry as seen above. If you're still lost as to what it's about, I'll let you in on it. I'm not going to be like your English teacher and force you to write a 2 page essay defending what you think it means and why.

It is my experience that the Lord would have us lay things at his feet from time to time. Sometimes he asks us to give up our pride or our greed or something of the sort. He wants it because he wants to give us something in return-like humility or graciousness. It's hard to lay these things down. But I've found something harder still. Sometimes he calls us to lay down the things we most cherish in life. Like that possible job promotion, or the desire for a husband/wife. The things that are not "bad" at all. In fact they are quite the opposite.

Look at Abraham and Isaac. I know, the cliche story for laying things down. Sometimes, though, I think we forget the depth of this story. Isaac wasn't just Abraham's son. He was part of "the promise". The Lord had said he would make Abraham and his descendants great. And, if we look further ahead, this promise was more than just that. It was about the coming of the nation of Israel. The coming of the Messiah. I have to believe that God, who is a master craftsman, was already crafting all of this. So here is Abraham asked to sacrifice his joy, his love, his son, his future. And, what does he do? He chooses to be a man of faith. He goes to the mountain and gets ready to strike-to essentially kill his hopes and dreams. But the Lord is kind and stops him. The Lord provides for him.

So what am I trying to say? That sometimes when you reach a certain point in the journey, the Lord may call you to lay something you deeply treasure down at his feet. Terrifying? Yes, because we are human. What if he takes it and doesn't give it back? Or what if he gives it back but it's different than what it was before? Here's where the cool part comes in: You don't lay something at Yeshua's feet and leave empty handed. You may not be asked to pick whatever it was back up...but he never leaves us empty handed. He may hand you peace. He may hand you a fulfillment to another dream. And if he does hand you back what you've given him? I can guarantee you it will be worth more than it was before. I can guarantee you that he'll have breathed so much more of his wisdom and Spirit into it. This is his character.

So what about the in between? I've laid it down, and I'm waiting...so what do I do? I pray. I tell God exactly what's on my heart, like Yeshua did in the garden. I tell him how I feel. If I'm scared I say so. If I don't want him to change my heart about something I say so. And then...I tell him that, no matter my desires, or thoughts, or feelings on the matter, I choose his will over mine. Sometimes, a person can even take it a step further and fast. A person may choose to bring others in to war with and for them, for we are not called to walk alone. And the last thing I have found to do, is praise him. Did you really just say "praise him"? Yes. Because when I praise something happens. The atmosphere shifts. Because he is worthy in all things.

I wouldn't be writing this if I wasn't walking in it, friend. I know, sometimes walking is the hardest part. Sometimes trusting is difficult, and blind faith is exactly that. But when you choose Yeshua...there is no better place to be.

"You provide the fire, I'll provide the sacrifice. You provide the Spirit, and I will open up inside. Fill me up, God, fill me up. Love of God overflow, permeate all my soul." 

Let's Be Real

Let's be real for a moment. I'm not a writer. I'm simply a young woman who is being lead on the adventure of a lifetime. I'm writing this to keep a chronicle of sorts. Mainly, so I can look back and see what the Lord has done. So I can see how he has lead me through seemingly impossible territory, good times, bad times, and everywhere in between.

The vision behind this blog has to do with the title and the url. The title, "Footprints in the Clouds", is about my journey. It's about a calling to something that's almost impossible. A calling that some think is absolutely crazy. This leads me to the url "heart/for/the/east". There it is clear as day. I have a heart for the east. The Middle East if we're being frank. Actually it's a tiny nation located right smack in the middle of it all. Israel. To sum it all up, I have a calling to these people. Why me? Because I said, "Yes". It can't be that simple...can it? Yes, my friend, it is that simple. When the Maker of the universe holds out his hand to you, eyes twinkling, saying, "Wanna come on an adventure with me, for me?", you either take his hand or you don't. There is no in between. So, dear reader, do you want to come on an adventure with me? I'm sure you have many questions. I haven't even shared a tip of my heart with you. As time goes on I hope to reveal more to you about what I am learning and doing. For now, I'll leave you with a short story, for I can think of no better way to end the intro to this blog.

A while back, I was praying with a dear friend of mine. It was her turn to speak. I have to be honest and say I don't remember most of the prayer. If I think about it I can remember the highlights, but not every word. At the very end of the prayer, she said something that caused my heart to leap, my skin to tingle, and a deep groaning from within to sound only louder in the ears of my inner being. The simple words: "Yeshua (Jesus) come soon". I could feel the weight of her words on my soul. In her voice the longing, that was (and is) a reflection of my own. Something in my spirit welling up. I was literally gripping the seat I was sitting in trying not to come undone. Do you see it? Do you feel it? It's amazing. When was the last time I found myself longing for home? When did I cease to remember that I'm not home yet? Apparently, it's something I'm not meant to forget with those last words of my friend's prayer still resonating around my entire being. "Come soon."